Anne-Marie's talk using Elder Perry's, "Waiting Upon the Lord; Thy Will be Done" from Oct. 2011 General Conference talk.
Ian and I did just speak a little over a year ago, but we were asked to reintroduce ourselves seeing as my husband got very sick just 7 months after moving in and pretty much disappeared while he’s been recovering and avoiding the germs that are so ever present, unfortunately at church.
Ian and I will be celebrating our 12 year wedding anniversary in just a couple weeks. We have 4 children ages 9, 6, 5, and 2. Ian and I met at the church institute in Pleasant Hill right after he returned from his mission to Cleveland Ohio and just before I left on my mission to the Las Palmas, Spain mission. We started dating pretty much right after I got home and were married the following year. We attended UC Santa Barbara together and had our first child, Abby while managing college student apartments. We moved back to the Bay Area where Ian went to get his Masters in Counseling at St. Marys. Ian studied and worked to get his hours towards his Marriage and Family Therapist License before moving here to Castro Valley. He now works as a high school counselor full time and teaches a couple classes at St. Marys College. He is also a Marriage and Family Therapist. I am a mother of 4 busy children with a Bachelors in Speech and Hearing Sciences and a minor in Spanish. That’s some of our general background.
We were asked to talk about our journey through Ian’s health scare this last year using the talk given by Elder Robert D. Hales in the last General Conference, called Waiting upon the Lord: Thy Will be done. This may be a little difficult for me seeing as this is all still very fresh for us. I’ll give you an idea of what it is that he has and how it started first. Ian was diagnosed May 4th of last year with a life threatening auto-immune disease called Wegeners Granulomatosis. It took a lot of suffering on Ian’s part as we waited and waited while doctors tried to figure out what he had. It started with Ian loosing his hearing in February. After a number of dr. visits and CAT scans they thought his hearing loss was due to a small harmless tumor that could be treated with steroids. It was treated and went away, but about 10 days after finally having some resolution to that, Ian developed a fever. It wouldn’t go away. More symptoms were appearing and Ian was getting weaker and weaker. They thought early on that perhaps he had something called, “Valley Fever” which is an infection in the lungs that has symptoms similar to Tuberculosis. They treated him with medications that take a long time to get rid of the problem. So we had to wait to see if Dr.s were right. All the while he was getting worse each day. He was coughing like his lungs were going to come out, he was loosing a lot of weight, and just days before being admitted to the hospital he couldn’t bend his joints. Severe arthritis had set it in, so much that it took all my strength to pull him to sitting or standing position. Walking was painful. Once admitted to the hospital, they had him quarantined due to the fact that it could be an infectious disease and they just didn’t know what was wrong with him. It was a blessing when one particular doctor came in and said with what seemed like certainty- “he’s got Wegeners Granulomatosis”. They couldn’t treat him right away for it, becausee they had to rule out other diseases first. But after a day or two of biopsies and different treatments to rule out things like TB, they finally were able to diagnose him with Wegeners. It is a very rare auto-immune disease that attacks your vascular system which in turn does a lot of damage to your organs. After doctors finally were able to confidently diagnose him, they treated him with the right medicine and within hours, life was returning to Ian’s face. Even though there were many scares up to that point, there were several moments where we knew Heavenly Father protected him and gave inspiration and aid to the physicians assisting Ian. Ian’s lungs and other organs were hit so hard, that they needed time and monitoring before he was able to return to work or even go out into the world. He was and is being treated with a number of life saving medications, but the highest doses of these meds were given the first several months. He got sick again in August and because his body had been wiped clean of an immune system, he got a very serious case of pneumonia and was hospitalized for a scary 2 weeks. He has been on the mends ever since and has since returned to work and church in November. And that brings us more or less to where we are today.
It’s hard to know which points of our journey to share. Although we’ve made it through a lot of the major scary stuff, the journey isn’t over yet. As I think about this particular trial and how it has tried us, I just keep thinking about how NOT alone we are. So soo many ward members, friends, and family have served and served and served us. It was the simple phone calls, the extra icecream and treats people brought by, the many many meals, those who watched our children, the annonymous help, the Christmas love, and just so much more. We have poured out our hearts in our prayers with tons of gratitude for all the love shown us from all of those who have served us. We’ve tried to keep good track at listing all the ways Heavenly Father’s hand has been seen in helping us. I wish I had enough time to share all the many big and small miracles we’ve seen along the way, but will share just a few with you today. Elder Hales’s talk is about how the purpose of our life on earth is to grow, develop, and be strengthened through our own experiences. Our experiences have definitely helped us grow and many of you have been part of our growth and journey.
Even though this has been a tough trial, I don’t feel special because of it, because I know that we all have our personal struggles and trials throughout life. Some trials are more public and others can be more discrete, private, or very personal. Whatever the trial, we ALL will and do have them. What I do feel is that my Heavenly Father loves us enough to make us better, by providing a way to strengthen and prove ourselves to him. Elder Hales talks about how our afflictions come in all shapes ans sizes, and our s happens to be in this shape. But if we are “immovable in keeping the commandments, we will”one day rest from all our afflictions.”
Elder Hales says in his talk that the way we grow, develop and are strengthened is by waiting upon the Lord. He says that “These mortal challenges allow us and our Heavenly Father to see whether we will exercise our agency to follow His Son”. As every one of us here today is going through some sort of trial, ,,maybe we can pick just one and think to ourselves right now about whether we are exercising our agency to choose the right. Are we following the Lord’s instructions and keeping all the covenants we’ve made at baptism? Are we repenting when we are in need of it- no matter how big or little the mistake? Have we laid down our weapons of war that Elder Bednar spoke of a while back?
One thing I have been able to witness is how my husband responded to this trial. Ian is an amazing man who has always been able to humble himself. With this trial he has laid down his weapons of war, and exercised his agency to follow the Savior more fully. He has really given himself to the Lord and in so many ways is saying in all he does, “thy will be done”. He has been looking at this trial from the beginning as an opportunity for the Lord to sculpt him in a way he couldn’t do without this trial. He has been a great example of humility and submission to the Lord’s will.
The next question posed in Elder Hales’s talk is, are we helping others through their trials too? Not only should we be waiting upon the Lord, but he points out that many people are waiting upon us too. Our spouses, our parents, our children, our siblings, our friends and ward members, quote, “wait upon us to show patience, love, and understanding toward them.” He goes on to talk to all the Marys and Marthas & to all of the good Samaritans who minister to the sick, succor the weak, and care for the mentally and physically infirm and says he feels the quote:’gratitude of a loving Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son. In your daily Christlike ministry, you are waiting upon the Lord and doing your Heavenly Father’s will. His assurance to you is clear: “inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye hae done it unto me.” He knows your sacrifices and your sorrows. He hears your prayers. His peace and rest will be yours as you continue to wait upon Him in faith.” end quote.
I wanted to include organizations like the Relief Society here. I’m amazed and grateful for how they are part of this group that ministers so willingly and tirelessly to those in need.
Elder Hales says that “Waiting upon the Lord means to “stand fast and press forward in faith, having a perfect brightness of hope”. To me that means we shouldn’t look at our trials as the end of our hopes and dreams. The words he chose were a perfect brightness of hope. That could be a lot of pressure - using the word perfect, but it emphasizes the point that there really isn’t room for thinking, wo is me. I don’t think I’m perfect in this attempt, because I do get sad about things. There are moment when the thoughts of how things might turn out for my husband, myself, or my fmaily get me scared or sad. But what has also got me through this trial is not being sad about it for too long and by not living in fear of the worst case scenario. If I didn’t do this, I think I might not be as open to the spirit guiding me toward ways to get through the problem. Having some optimism gives room for growth.
Another way that we can wait upon the Lord is by pondering in our hearts and “receiving the Holy Ghost” so that we can know “all things what we should do”.
Heavenly Father blessed me early on during Ian’s fight with this disease with a feeling that he would be alright. I didn’t know if that meant he’d be okay just this year or maybe for 5 years, but I felt he’d be alright and that’s what kept my head up and pressing forward. Staying busy helped and so did knowing that I had a large support system. But then there were times when I would ask myself if I was just in denial or being naive, and sometimes I felt scared about the future. At some points, like when Ian got pneumonia, I did wonder if Ian would live. I also wondered how this disease would affect him and us as a family long term. I worried about our current and future finances, Ian’s ability to work what it would mean for me to return to work or to go to school first then work. I worried about my kids and what I wold miss out on. I worried about how much was going to change. I worried about taking or asking for too much from others. I didn’t know the future and how to best manage the present to not muss up the future. I didn’t know how to figure everything out with what time and emotions I had, but it was at the temple when I opened the scriptures and read the oh so famous and well known scripture in Mosiah 4:27 that says, not to run faster than you have strength. I felt my thought guided to a place of understanding. I felt calm. For me, it meant that at that moment I didn’t have to figure everything out right then. I didn’t have to have all the answers. It didn’t mean I shouldn’t think about them or not plan, but that with everything going on and happening so fast, I didn’t have to do it all today.
The temple really has been my major guiding light through this journey. I know that Heavenly Father lives. I know that more than I know most anything. Because I know this, I am able to ask with confidence for help from Him. I feel I’m able to hear Him better in the temple and I trust that he will give me the tools I need to get through my trials.
This trial has required a lot of waiting and patience. Waiting to know why, waiting to know what to do about it or when to do what it is that I’m supposed to do, wondering if I’ve got the strength to endure with patience. Every time I go to the temple I get answers. I might catch salmon when I’m looking for trout, but I get answers. When I started recognizing this blessing (early on in our married life) I wondered if it would be a sometimes thing- that I wouldn’t always get those strong answers. But when I really look and try my best to listen in any way he might decide to tell me, I’m able to hear him. I don’t get the whole picture, by any means, but I’m alright with “Here a little, there a little”, as Elder Hales explains. And for me, a piece is all I need to know that Heavenly Father is helping me and trying to aid me in what it is I’m going through. One thing I’ve been in awe at is Heavenly Father’s ability to do anything he wants. He is an excellent chess player with our lives -moving pieces at the right moments in our lives to align us up for answers to our prayers. But an important piece in the game is praying so that those pieces WILL be just right for answers. We truly believe Heavenly Father has played chess with our lives and set us up to be here and we feel so blessed and protected. Where this ward has given me and my family so much, we want to give back. As little as it may be, today I want to give back what I can by sharing my testimony of the temple and how if we go and seek the Lord’s inspirations, we can know, like it says in 2nd Nephi chapter 32 vs 5 “all things what we should do”. If we endure with faith, stand immovable in keeping the commandments, we will one day rest from our afflictions. As hard as it is to wait and to understand the whys of it all, it’s comforting to know that our Loving Heavenly Father is watching over us waiting and wanting to help us. Elder Hales closes his talk by giving the Savior’s promise which is that “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”
Testimony
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